Lesson 3: Grooming & Boundaries

Students will learn about "grooming". Grooming is a technique used by abusers to find a potential victim and identify his or her vulnerability. By exploiting that vulnerability, the abuser works to establish a relationship by filling a need for the victim. For example, a teen may miss seeing her dad after her parents divorced and welcome the attention of a male neighbor. Once the relationship has been established, the abuser pushes boundaries with isolation, secrecy, and blame to maintain control over the victim. Often victims are confused by the motives of the abuser and feel responsible, guilty, or trapped by the situation. Students will learn to identify the red flags that signal potential signs of grooming and abuse. In the video, Brianna is a soccer player who really wants to make the team. Her coach begins the grooming process by meeting with her alone after practice. He then presents her with a brand new pair of expensive cleats and encourages Brianna to keep the gift a secret. Lauren introduces the concept of "grooming" as it relates to abusers and the red flags of grooming, which may include special gifts and privileges, gaining trust, playing a role in the child's life, isolation and creating opportunities to be done alone with a child, keeping secrets, and unsafe touches. Students will see how Brianna uses her TFA and tells her mother what happened. Students will begin developing a repertoire of skills to use when there are red flags and the potential for abuse.